Updated March, 2023
Children thrive when they are given safe, consistent boundaries. Knowing when to start a routine with your baby can help give your life a semblance of sanity. Routine helps your child know what to expect and when to expect it. It can help children transition throughout the day, meet expectations, and even go to sleep and stay asleep at night. Routines should start right away, even in the first year, so that as your child gets older, the parameters can become a little looser.
Best Routines
I believe each adult should offer as much routine as their child and themselves need. So if meal times are a struggle, create routine around it and it is likely that things will improve. If bedtime takes three hours or a child can’t fall asleep independently, do the same thing every night that will lead to sleep association.
The best routines are the ones that are reasonable and realistic to complete. There is no one size fits all routine here. I can’t create a sample routine and share it with you because it’s going to look different for every family. Routine can be as broad as the general flow to your day and as specific to the practices around meals such as wash hands, sit down, sing a song, and eat. Really, the best routines are the ones that work for you.
Adults also thrive from routine, with or without children. If you wake up at the same time every morning, you are less likely to be tired when it is time to get up. If you eat at the same time every day, you will likely be hungry then. Giving yourself and your family a sense of routine and rhythm during the day can take away the stress of unnecessary worrying and provide you with more of an opportunity to enjoy the Freedom of everyday life.
Bedtime Routines
Now I have heard of people who spend two hours on their children’s bedtime routine. This includes multiple bathroom breaks, cups of water, twenty books, a little dance, and tons of hugs and kisses. Keep your routines short and simple, especially for bed. You don’t want to turn going to bed into a game. You want it to be winding down, not a giggle fest. Think teeth, pajamas, two books, kisses, and bed. It is the consistency that is most important, not making bedtime ‘fun’. After this one book, it’s lights out. Lay in bed with a timer if you want. Make sure whatever you do is reasonable though. I’ve never taken two hours to go to bed in my memorable life.
Routine as Habit
Before you scoff at routine, let me tell you about a Tuesday night when Monster was still pretty young, less than 2 at the most. You see, Monster has had pretty much the exact same bedtime routine since the day they were born. Excessive? I’m not sure, since they sleep on their own through the night and easily lay down in their bed. In my opinion, it has paid off. Well the other night, we had taken a bath before dinner (bath is not a part of the bedtime routine) and ran around naked for awhile. When I finally did put clothes on, it was so close to dinner, which would then be followed by getting ready for bed, that I slipped them right into their jammies. We then ate dinner and completed our normal routine of changing britches, brushing teeth, nursing, and reading a book. I then sang their goodnight song (again, same song since the day they were born), and waited expectantly for them to point to their bed. Except they didn’t. Eventually I put them down in bed, thinking it was a fluke. That night it took me over an hour to help Monster fall asleep. I ended up with them in my bed, curled against my stomach. I strongly believe this was because of the break in their routine.
I can acknowledge that having a child as dependent on routine as Monster could be draining. To have to have the same process every night might not fit with some people’s schedules. But what it offers for us and for Monster is a sense of predictability. For me, a little inconvenience of consistent routine is worth my child sleeping well through the night. My partner has even told me that if Monster does wake up at night, his singing the goodnight song again helps sooth them and help them remember it is still time to sleep.
Work Now, Play Later
While a strict routine now might seem exhausting, in the long run, it will pay off. For the first year, maybe even year and a half of Monster’s life, we had a pretty strict routine. Then we had Rainbow Sprinkle and had to focus on their routine. Because we had such a solid routine for Monster though, making adjustments ended up being really easy.
Now both of my kids are over 2. Veering from their routine happens somewhat often now, and they roll with it just fine. Maybe we stay out late and that throws things off, or perhaps we are traveling (link to traveling blog coming Fall, 2022), where there simply isn’t a predictable routine. My children adjust easily and happily. I firmly believe part of this is because we spent so much time offering them boundaries and routines when they were younger.
Common Routine
You see ideas of routines in day cares and schools. In a daycare setting, there should be a day schedule somewhere in your child’s classroom. For infants, it is often posted only for parents. As your child gets older, there should be a visual representation that the children can see and even possibly manipulate. There should always be room for flexibility in routines, but children should be aware that after breakfast it is free play until outside time, or after lunch it is nap time, or even as they get older, after math is science.
Using a Calendar
Routines can, and should, expand beyond just daily routines. There is also an ebb and flow to the entire year. Keeping a calendar that your child can see and manipulate can be both helpful and empowering. Does your child have a dentist or a doctor appointment coming up? Support them in this appointment by having it labeled on the calendar for them. Young children especially tend to benefit from using a linear calendar. The more notice you can give them, and the more involved they can be, the better.
