I know I have gone into detail about sleep over the last year. But what does one do when, even after the first year, your child isn’t sleeping through the night. Because let’s be honest, sleeping is a skill that must be taught, and we all need sleep. So this blog explores how to get your toddler to sleep through the night.
What to Expect
Part of why I start sleep training at such a young age is because right around 1 year old is probably one of the hardest times to start sleep training. Your child is going through so much, growing so much. Their brains are working differently and they often have a lot of other changes going on. So be prepared for sleep training to take more than one or two nights. On the flip side, much like potty training, if you wait until 2.5-3 it’s often really easy to sleep train at that point. My goal here is to meet you wherever you are at.
Hopefully your child is over 1 year old (if not see sleep blogs for earlier ages). If so, they should be sleeping 8-12 hours per night. Between 12-18 months they will drop to one nap per day, and most children drop naps completely between 3-5 years. Your child should have a bedtime routine that they know well and are comfortable with.
Sleep Training According to Me
To be clear, I use the term ‘Sleep Training’ to describe working with your child in any form to help them learn healthy sleep hygiene. Ultimately, this will look like them sleeping through the night without problem in whatever location your family has designated for them to sleep. To be very clear, Sleep Training, as defined by me, is NOT the cry it out method. Sleep training is about balancing appropriate developmental expectations with the needs of your child. It is about being responsive and supportive. Most of all, it is about helping you move towards a sleep routine that makes sense for you and your family.
Sleep Practices
The exact plan for your toddler or preschooler to sleep in bed all night is going to vary by family and, more importantly, by age. A lot of what you will do for a 2 year old is going to look different for a 5 year old. Unfortunately, I just cannot write a blog for every possible scenario out there. So I’m trying to speak in broad terms. These are some sleep practices to cultivate, to help your child anywhere from 1-5 years learn to sleep through the night.
Put Them in Bed
Of the most common scenarios, the one I hear about most often for the toddler age range is that they go to be fine and then they sneak out in the middle of the night and climb into their adult’s bed. For families who don’t want to bed share anymore, this can be less than ideal. If you don’t want them to do this, then pick them up and put them back into their beds. I know it’s hard, especially since it’s often the middle of the night, but if you want to break the habit, then you have to commit.
Offer Some Autonomy
When I go to bed at night, I often need some wind down time by myself. Many adults are this way. We should expect the same of our children. Offer your children some autonomy at bedtime. Maybe it’s in their room by themselves by 8:00pm and as long as they don’t leave their rooms, they are fine. You can offer them limitations, such as books only, night lights only, and they have to stay in their room. But trust them to settle down and find sleep on their own.
Have Consequences
In conjunction to offering autonomy, ensure your child has appropriate consequences. My 3-year-old gets hugs and kisses and then I leave their bedroom door open and the night light on. If they start wandering the house like a little ghost, then I turn the hallway light off, meaning they no longer have enough light to do anything but lay in their bed. The more options you give them, the more consequences you can have to balance them out.
Habits to Avoid
The hardest part about sleep training is breaking bad habits that you have already fallen into. So if you avoid a bad habit completely, you don’t later have to break it!
Late Night Water
I feel like water is one of those things that many of us have a hard time denying our children. So often, right before bed, children will ask for that last glass of water. There are a few problems with this though. The first is that it is often just a stalling tactic. The second is when you are potty training, you don’t want your child to chug a cup of water right before bed.
What I do instead is we brush teeth right after dinner. Then they are each given an opportunity to take one last sip of water before books. That’s it, and no more water requests for the rest of the night. This has also worked well for potty training, so they can have water and we do books and they have to go potty one more time before bed as well.
No Screen Time
I know you hear from me all the time how much I dislike screens, and while I am happy to stand on my soap box, I’m not talking about always. In this case, I am speaking specifically about screens right before bed. I don’t know why adults do that to themselves, let alone their children. But if your child is watching TV or playing video games up until 5 minutes before they are supposed to be going to sleep, you are setting them up for failure. Turn off the screens at least 1 hour before they are supposed to be going to sleep.
Not Committing
Our children are only small for a short time. So I know many parents struggle to make the decision to stop letting their children sleep with them. Be sure that you know what you want. Letting your child sleep with you sometimes but being super strict about it others is confusing for your child. Either they can sleep with you every night, or they can’t. It’s better to know and commit so that no one’s sleep schedule has to be interrupted by a 2am venture around the house for your bed.
Supporting Your Older Children
Older children is the age of 3-6 years for the sake of this conversation. These are the kiddos who really, really should be able to sleep through the night but have maybe just developed a bad habit or two. As your children get older, you can start to involve them more in the discussion about sleep.
Discuss Expectations
Our children are smart! Maybe even smarter than most adults give them credit for. Have a conversation with your child about sleep and bedtime. Discuss your expectations and then take some time to hear what they think. Maybe they “just love you so much!” that they can’t imagine sleeping away from you. Problem solve together.
Make It Exciting
Many children have a big to-do going from a crib to a “big-child” bed. This bed is often a toddler bed or larger. Even if your child is older, you can still have an exciting transition to a different type of bed. Maybe it’s time for a twin bed, or maybe they are going to have a loft bed. Look at options for beds and maybe pick something out together. Plus then, if you invest money in a new bed, you have a pretty compelling reason for both you and your child to commit to them sleeping in it.
Bathroom and Bedtime
The potty training stage can be tough for some, especially the transition to no accidents overnight. Help support your child in meeting their own needs. I know plenty of adults who have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, so we should offer the same generosity to our children. Ensure they have a night light or a way to easily navigate to the bathroom if they need to go. It’s not that they should never wake up in the middle of the night, we just want to encourage them not to wake everyone else up as well/
Sleep Schedule
I know my other blogs feature a sleep schedule section, but the fact is that from 1-6 years the exact needs of the child vary enough that offering a sleep schedule probably isn’t helpful. Just remember that sleep begets sleep, so make sure you aren’t going to bed too late. And for the transition out of naps completely, expect your child to go to bed a little earlier for a few weeks.
Sleep Help!
Need support with getting your child on the right track for sleep? View my Early Childhood Behavior Support Page where I can offer sleep training for you and your family, including a night’s reprieve if you just need some time to catch up.
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