Updated June, 2021
Feeding your baby in the first year can feel like a really big process to many parents. This blog is specifically about breastfeeding, though obviously it is not the only option for providing your child with adequate nutrients in their first year.
Breastfeeding is hard. There is no doubt about it. Actually, it’s a little amazing our species has managed to survive for as long as we have considering how difficult it is. I wanted to share a bit about my breastfeeding journey, and talk about how difficult it is so that you can know you are not alone if you are struggling. Plus, maybe you can learn from some of my mistakes, making nursing a little bit easier for you.
My Nursing Journey, First Child
I always planned to breastfeed, since it seemed like the most natural, affordable option. I thought it was something that would come like second nature. Unfortunately, it felt like a mixed bag from the get-go and it actually felt like a lot of work. I was so sure nursing was going to be an amazing, beautiful thing and that I was going to love every second of it. Hah, yeah right.
After Monster’s birth they went straight to the boob. My midwives were present so they were able to support me in this. It felt like getting Monster to latch took at least four hands. Initially, my midwife showed us how, and for at least a week afterwards my partner had to help me every time.
If you aren’t aware, it take a few days for your milk to come in. Before this, baby lives rather happily off of colostrum, which is a nutrient rich, perfect diet for your newborn. Then milk comes in, filling out your meals and offering several more ounces. When my milk came in, I became incredibly engorged. Not just a little, but so much that I couldn’t get Monster to latch at all. I remember sitting in bed crying, sure that my baby was going to starve to death. It was late, almost midnight I’m sure. My partner had a passing thought about a nipple shield that our midwife had once mentioned. He ran out and purchased one minutes before the store closed. It was a God send and with the help of that tiny piece of rubber, we were able to help Monster latch.
Now I’m a stubborn woman (my ex will assure you this is not an exaggeration) and I am also lazy. The whole point of nursing was for it to be less work, not more. The nipple shield had to be cleaned and sterilized between uses just like a bottle though. So I kept trying, kept practicing, and kept going back and forth. I always offered my breast directly first and then would offer Monster the nipple shield. One night, as I sat on the edge of the bed waiting for my partner to get out of the bathroom so I could wash the nipple shield, Monster just.. got it. From then on, they took the breast or a bottle any time.
This entire process took maybe a month at the most. Amazingly, I was able to nurse Monster for a full year, without problems. Of course I had to pump when I went back to work and Monster took bottles at school, but I never gave them formula, which is something I was really dedicated to. Then a little after they turned 1, Monster decided they were done nursing, no painful weaning process necessary. Of course, a month after that I got pregnant with my second child!
My Nursing Journey, Round Two
Less than 10 months after my first stopped nursing, my second child was born. Now Rainbow Sprinkle’s entry into life was a lot more complicated than the perfect home birth I had with my first child. I ended up having to go to a hospital, having a c-section, and at 2 pounds, 12 ounces, Sprinkle had to spend he first month of their life in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).
If you’ve never had a child in the NICU, I highly suggest you avoid it. Months of therapy and grieving have gotten me to the point where I can talk about this experience lightly, but it is a hard experience for any parent. One of the hardest things about the NICU, if you are a parent really set on breastfeeding, is that often you can’t. Your tiny human has to focus on growing brown fat and simply putting on weight. They can’t waste precious energy trying to nurse. Sprinkle was tube fed for a long time. Honestly, even had nursing been easy, their tiny mouth simply couldn’t fit around my nipple.
So I pumped. I pumped and pumped and pumped and every time they fed Sprinkle my milk, I hoped that it was doing something. This meant that after my c-section, before I even got to see my baby, I was pumping. My baby stayed in the hospital and I went home and pumped. I woke up in the middle of the night to pump. I felt like a damn cow.
We tried nursing at the hospital several times. It was still super important to me. But even if Sprinkle latched, they didn’t get much. And even what I pumped had to be supplemented with a high calorie formula to help them gain weight. By the time Sprinkle was ready to leave the hospital (a full 30 days after their birth), I was sure nipple confusion would be high and I would never manage to nurse.
Thankfully, because I had put forth the dedication of pumping while Sprinkle was in the hospital, I had a great supply and a lot of frozen milk. There is something to be said for the ease of being at home. Within a week of coming home, Sprinkle was latched! No hesitation, no problems, no nipple confusion. They figured it out pretty quickly, and from there it was like my body just remembered what it had done previously.
I again nursed for a year, and a few weeks after one Rainbow expressed the desire to wean. My breastfeeding journey had come to an end.
Tips, Tricks, and Take Aways
Build a Community
Truth be told, I wouldn’t have been successful in nursing either of my children if I hadn’t had an amazing support system. And I’m talking about more than midwives and lactation specialists. In fact the lactation specialist with Sprinkle told me to go ahead and give up. But my sister told me to just keep trying. My partner worked with me to master the latch thing with Monster. My family and friends supported be every step of the way. I know I harp about having an amazing community all the time, but I don’t imagine how a woman could pull off the difficulties of breastfeeding without support.
Save Your Bed
Sleep When Baby Sleeps
With nursing, arguably the only downside I found, was that I was the only one who could provide nourishment. This meant for weeks that I never slept more than 3 hours at a shot. It meant that I couldn’t leave my children for more than 3 hours at a time. This meant there were plenty of times I was tired. Sleep when your child sleeps to help you gain much needed rest. The dishes can wait, I promise.
Buy a Pump
No Formula
If you are serious about sticking out your breastfeeding journey, do not buy formula. Don’t keep it in the house as a ‘backup’. If it is there, you are secretly undermining your efforts. If its around, you may be more likely to turn to formula instead of working through any nursing issues you may be having. Plus, as soon as you supplement with formula, you start a whole host of other problems, such as possible nipple confusion, not producing enough milk, and just generally building habits you don’t want. Keep the formula away if you really are committed.
Pros and Cons
So you might ask, if breastfeeding was this miserable for me to start (note: all of these frustrations occurred within the first four to six weeks and then passed), why did I stick with it? Well that is why I even write this. To give other moms hope as well.
The American Academy of Pediatrics advises exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of a child’s life, but few women accomplish that goal. Many women give up breastfeeding as early as 6 weeks because it can be so difficult. I know that formula can be easier (sort of?), and at times it was tempting for a number of reasons. I genuinely believe that breast feeding was the best thing for my children though. Once I worked past some of the worst hurdles, it was more than worth it.
Con - Hard at the Start
Getting the hang of nursing can feel like the hardest part. Both you and your baby have to learn this new skill. This takes time and can be really stressful, especially as you worry about your baby being hungry. It feels like that more your struggle, the hungrier baby gets, the harder it is to master the whole nursing ordeal. It sometimes feels like switching to formula is going to be the easiest, most sensible choice.
Pro - Easier in the Long Run
Once my kids had the practice of breastfeeding down, I thought it was a lot easier than bottles. Everything they needed was always right on me. And then, when it was time to be done nursing, weaning was incredibly smooth. Bottles went away completely and they were ready for the next stage of eating in their life.
Con - Partner Jealousy
I’m going to admit something, and you can feel free to judge me all you want. I was actually jealous of my partner in the beginning. Of course, I had a lot of factors going on, not the least of which was my hormones out of control and a rough, undiagnosed bout of postpartum depression. But it was also jealousy of the kind of time they were spending together.
My partner was amazing at bonding with Monster. They played together. He changed diapers. They had a relationship. When Monster was with him, they knew that no food was going to be involved. So they engaged with him in a different way. Sometimes it felt to me like the only reason Monster wanted to go to me at all was because I was the source of food. Then given the opportunity, they wanted to go back to their daddy. Basically, breastfeeding made me feel like I was just the lunch machine. Thankfully, as my hormones leveled out a bit more, that feeling passed and I did get to bond with them in other ways, although feeding them was certainly one of those ways.
Pro - A Special Bond
As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like I have a really special bond with both my children. Of course I had my worries and problems in the beginning, but that special time of nursing with them has built a really secure attachment. There is something sacred for me in the bond of nursing.
Pro - Less Work
Ironically, I think formula is so much more work than breastfeeding. You see, as I have mentioned, I’m lazy. This means no diaper bag for me, minimal bottles, and as little cleaning as possible. I never had to carry supplies to give baby food on the go, I just pulled out a boob and offered whenever they were hungry. No finding water, no warming up bottles, and no cleaning bottles afterwards. I didn’t have to prepare a bottle in the middle of the night, I just offered them what was already prepped on tap.
Pro - Good for Baby
This is really the selling point for me, and the whole reason I breastfed in the first place. Breast milk is amazing. I mean it is straight up a miracle. Why would I offer anything else? Your breastmilk is a perfect balance of nutrition for your child. Plus, if offers antibodies to help your child stay healthy and happy.
When You're Still Struggling
Sometimes you simply need the wisdom of another woman to get through breastfeeding. Other times you may want to seek out professional help. Search for a Certified Lactation Consultant or a Breastfeeding Counselor if you still need support. If your really do want to breastfeed, you deserve to have the journey you want.
